Oki Doki, I’m not really british, I’m South African, a Zar, but not a boer (farmer). I don’t know any other South Africans foolish enough to move to CZ,  I’ve never even met a fellow countryman who’s visited the Czech Republic. Most people try France or Germany. I might  know 2 South Africans who could find CZ on a map, and my family still ask me “how is life in CzechoSlovakia?” (sigh).

Before I came to Czech Republic I used to feel smart, almost as smart as this fellow.


There were many good reasons why I felt so utterly dog smart. But mainly I was happy because in the western world, I was:

  • Able to communicate with others and glide through most social situations, lately I try speak one word at a time, while watching the speakees face very carefully for that dumb (I don’t understand a word) type of look.
  • Order obscure stuff from resturant menus, nowadays I point and pray the right food arrives, if it doesn’t I guess I deserve this type of godly retribution for leaving the fold. Often I curse out load, complaining loudly in the car about “This is the only country in the world where you can order a juicy hamburger, and when it arrives, all you’ve got is the roll with a piece of fried cheeze and no meat. “, thse fun outbursts are regular occurences.
  • Not living in the pokiest flat on earth, yes yes you can call it an apartment, but there is a differance, my apartment in the UK was stylish, fully furnished, all mod cons and had a view overlooking the Brindley Place Canals. My flat in Ostrava reminds me of the rotten asshole of a road kill skunk dozed in beer. It was so bad when I moved into the place, I needed to buy it a new toilet immediately. Its so tiny and pokey, I could use the walls as leverage to get out of bed in the morning. My wife, being Czech, thrives in this type of environment, its great value for her, and she always hated our luxury apartment in the UK.
  • Able to order a pizza!
  • Able to talk to the mechanic about my broken car!
  • Able to watch and understand TV
  • Not be thought of as some rich foreigner with pounds when looking at buying or renting a flat/apartment/house
  • Not have to stand around in most conversations being ignored, trying to look  interested but not understanding a bloody word, missing all the jokes, and generally feeling brain damaged. 
  • Not asked constantly where are you from, then get a suprised look and the so common “I thought only black people came from South Africa”

The list continues…..

I will continue to blog my experience, I hope you can relate to some of this, if you’re living or have lived in the Czech Republic, as a native english speaker. Above all the blog is supposed to be fun, sometimes in life we need a good laugh.


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