So you married a Czech Girl. If this blog post if of any interest to you, then you’ve most likely decided to settle in the Czech Republic. If you are a responsible person you’ve also likely bought a house and got to know the family of your wife.
Here is my story, 4 years in.
Rule number 1: Expect no empathy on what you’re going through
If you think life is hard, try moving to a foreign country where most people don’t speak English. But to add salt to the injury, in the Czech Republic it is fairly common for foreigners to live in Prague. Any other city such as Brno or Ostrava it is less common. However move to a village, and you’re in for a whole shit load of pain. You might think that’s ok you have your wife and her family for support and friendship – think again! They may be nice on the surface. What I’ve learnt the hard way after 4 years of being here is that blood Czech blood definitely is thicker than water. It would not be an exaggeration to say that as a foreigner in law you are worth less than that of a local Czech friend.
2. Expect to be brought down to their level (eventually)
What I have learnt is that in the eyes of my wife, I am shark shit unless I am basically doing exactly what she wants. So I learnt over the first 2 years not to look for her for support.
When I first arrived here I was earning good money, and was relatively carefree. I would enjoy dining out at restaurants, buying quality goods and eating well. Enter the Czech Republic and queue the “Mamma” and 4 years later things are completely the opposite. Eating out was very quickly put to an end because it was considered “Extremely expensive” – I kid you not! This attitude quickly crept into what might be considered luxury purchases – personal treats if you like, I ended up having to hide the true price of many an item I bought, because it would be considered just too expensive to buy. When for example I went to the dentist in Austria to have my teeth bleached – did the rural Czech flood gates only open. Boy every family member was actually genuinely angry with me for being so “irresponsible” for doing this. Let’s just remember it was my money. Over the years, I’ve realized that no matter what I buy it’s wrong or too expensive unless its the absolute cheapest shit that was bought when the sun and moon aligned to produce a big giant turd called a special.
Mostly the same applies to the food we buy now too. Feel like some meat? Forget beef, pork only, and then only when it’s on special. When I first got here we eat well and varied, now it’s cheap specials and DIY stuff. Feel like a pizza – fuck you too expensive – we’ll make our own from home. Nagging for a McDonalds – We’ll swing past that drive thru, bitch all the way. Pay, bitch some more. Eat and bitch, then complain how badly the food tasted, how expensive it was, and how it definately wasn’t worth it, and how that was the absolute last time we ever get McDonalds again. Having not actually had any McDonalds now for about a year, I’m pretty sure she wasn’t kidding, and because she’s ruin the experience it just isn’t worth it going through all that torture and bitching for a hamburger.
Lastly clothing, expect to eventually dress like a peasant. When I came here I was wearing designer clothes. I still have some of these remnants left, but as you can imagine they’re scrappy being 4 years old now! In the meantime I’ve managed to rack up a collection of “cheap” clothes bought from cheap shops. I don’t mean to sound spoilt, but clothing is important, dress well feel well. Maybe that is why I always feel so shit. Then the brother comes around and brags about the clothes he bought from a 2nd hand clothing store, and what exceptional value for money it was. Fucking crazy!
3. Expect to be considered useless
Are you a handy guy? Can you build a house on your own? Dig a swimming pool? Install radiators? Fix the roof? If you can’t – then good luck earning the respect of a Czech woman. In their eyes you’re just FUCKING USELESS. I’m an IT geek exceptionally adept behind the keyboard, but if the truth be told, I have the misfortune of being terrible with DIY projects, not out of lack of interest, just because people have their strengths and weaknesses, no 1 person is good at everything – Queue the Czech man – Master of talk, master of cheap fuck ass work. But now expect your wife to praise their fuck ass attempts at DIY, and criticize your inability to do anything. Now you may be thinking – hold on for a minute there dude, you’re a programmer – employ experts to do the job for you! You’re forgetting rule number 1 – This would be too expensive! And your wife wouldn’t fucking have it. Yes you can fight it, lay down the law and insist, but then expect to take shit, and more shit, and 10 years later still being reminded how expensive it was. Queue the Czech family who will do it for you for free while demonstrating their “Shikovni” nature. What this basically means is in your wifes eyes you’ve just become a side show, and at the same time paid with your own money to fix your house, and end up with a job at the end of the day you would really now like to call in professionals to fix.
So what is the golden rule. Don’t fucking give an inch. Don’t let the situation decay to the point where I let it, it happens slowly, but it does happen (eventually). Don’t fucking even think about moving to a village close to her family, so you can live around her family. Keep your fucking manhood, and live in an area where you can more easily find work, and have the money to pay for the stuff you otherwise can not do on your own. Never get into the situation where you come off looking inadequate. While her family comes off looking like fucking heroes, but the reality is they gave you a nice big finger because they have your money, and they’ve done a sloppy job with whatever they’ve assisted you with. Maybe you’re not that bad with DIY, maybe you just realize somethings are best left to professionals.